Notes From The Pegboard: "taking all I know about nihilism and trying to build it into a life..."

If you can name the song the quote is from Ill buy you a soda...

Anyone who has spoken with me in the last few weeks has heard the lament of how this place just was not feeling like home this year yet. I felt caught between two worlds, which I'm sure is not that unfamiliar for anyone going through a big change. I'm thinking about friends who had all the excitement and nervousness and ill fitting feelings of buying a new house, or starting a new job, or starting a new relationship. Sometimes it just takes a moment of clarity when you least expect it to start feeling like you are in the right place at the right time. Mine came this week and it hit me square in the face, left a pleasant feeling, a broad smile, and a peaceful acceptance that is allowing me to holler a resounding YES to the experience, even if it means extra work.

I had this realization last year towards August and I'm really thankful it has not taken so long to come back, cause it really makes me feel home here. I see a life taking shape here, and its a powerful spring feeling. A feeling of growth. From the cilantro I planted last weekend sprouting little green leaves of Mexican/Thai/Indian/Moroccan goodness, to the rosebuds showing colour through their protective green shields, ready to burst forth from a plant I was sure did not survive the winter snow. Even the job has felt insular lately with the complex interwoven feelings of value and teamwork, togetherness and goodness of people involved in pulling this season off, starting early and working till late at night, Igor poking his head in the shower last night after a crazy week and telling me, at 11.30 to "take the rest of the night off" and laughing his way down the hall and out the front door. There is something bigger than me and my overactive imagination at work here, and its more magical than I could ever conceive. Its more unique than any job I have ever had, more intense, more fun, and more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. What started off as the continuation of my flight, and another more exotic way to hide from the realities of death and betrayal, and the loss of so much, has become a re-birth into a whole new way of being. A quote from my journal states, "I feel a life taking shape before me as if I had given birth to it, nurtured it, and it is about to sprout wings and carry me up and away from the hurt, distrust, sorrow that gave rise to the decision to be here in the first place." Its taking a concentrated amount of work both physical, mental and emotional to make this life work but I'm feeling HOME again and I can't impress on anyone how important that feels to me.

Its finally sinking in - just before Mom's day too. Potential roughness tomorrow turns gracefully into celebration, a celebration of the life I am STILL living, an appreciation for all She gave me as a kid, the foundation for success, and for the lessons, hard ones, that I continue to learn from and incorporate into who I am as a man. ...or Dude ...or ragazzi ...or what have you...

Here's some shots from last week, which for the most part were spent in the bike shop, at the Farm or the short distance between here and town...not much but check out the green...

a great place for an aperativo

...or a place for Rob to hold court for the ladies...

or a post-lemon-cello dance party...

Throwback ride in the shop window today...amazing!

and THIS at the thrift store for 80 euro, which if I understand the girl correctly will be dropped to half price after a month on the floor, which should be the middle of this month, which means I just got my Italian city bike!

and a dutch commercial or tv show being shot in the plaza during market today...funny to see a fake produce stand in the middle of so much authenticity, and the blondes were a dead give away to something phony going on...