Before you turn away from what you thought was another late night rant, let me explain.
I have been witness to some really fake interactions as of late. Not directed at me, but at someone I am very fond of, and someone whom I feel propelled to protect from time to time, even though she doesn't need it, someone I have an image of, an appreciation of that does not gel with what these false friends, and shitty acquaintances have felt they can get away with. On top of that she is being reminded of times in the past when people said one thing and did another, when people showed their true flakey, distrustful, selfish selves and she was forced to believe them.
And its getting to me.
But Im trying to not let my own experiences be clouded by that. At one time a good friend (who admittedly I have fallen out of contact with over the years) told me some of the best advice I could have taken at the time. She said;
"When people show you who they really are - all you have to do is believe them."
At the time I put the emphasis on the word "ALL you have to do..." because I needed to excuse myself from becoming deeper and deeper involved in relationships that were not healthy or rewarding for me. I had a tendency in those days (and still do to some degree) to fix things. I guess its what made me a good wrench for all those years, but it wreaked havoc on my relationship conceptualization when I saw someone or some situation that was broken (not healthy) I would invest MORE energy into it, and my friend was trying to help me step away, invest LESS. Since then, I have used the saying to help others do the same, and to excuse the passing people in my life I felt just did not need or deserve a big chunk of what I have to give as a friend, no matter for how long.
In short - it acts like a complete asshole - it probably is, and I already have an asshole thankyouverymuch!
Lately I find myself in situations where the people around me that I spend the bulk of my time with, be it work, or in passing, or those silly regular retail and commerce interactions where we find ourselves gravitating towards the same checker at the grocery store for even just a head-nod of familiarity, are all really decent folk. As far as I can tell... The bar tenders I manage are GREAT! Respectful and hard working people who have developed a rapport that involves being able to bitch AND find solutions, as well as spend time outside of work with each other in a rewarding way. I dig the people I work with and despite their collective younger age I am proud to be associated with them, to listen to them navigate their worlds, and to grow as we go. I have a handful of folks I run into on a regular, at cafes and pubs, downtown and in neighboring communities that know me from the bar, recognize me, and we have decent cordial real interactions. I even had an acquaintance recently very plainly and directly answer the question "How have you been? with the realest answer of the year - "Lonely and a little sad, but thanks for asking." An answer that prompted listeners to gasp, and for us to get really real for a minute - refreshingly so. I dug Boone for so many reasons when I first got here just a little over a year ago - and one of those was how real people seemed to be, how genuine and honest, and friendly the bulk of strangers had been, and how easy it felt that I entered into a little mini world.
And my world continues to grow. With more people, more diversity, and more interactions now that another busy summer rests under a blanket of fall, I wish I could say that I have ONLY met more of the same good folks, but that would not be entirely true. As it turns out, there are selfish backstabbers, flakes, rats, weasels, bitches, fakes, phonies, punks, and insecure little dick-swingers everywhere. There are people who lie to your face, who will walk on people to get what they want, who are more interested in power than people, and who scheme behind your back while smiling in your face.
Good thing its a small percentage of the world, and really really good thing that I have built up enough tolerance, recognition, and a mini wall for dealing with it.
(If nothing else, there are hip hop albums like Dre's 2001, and Jay-Z's The Blueprint to get you through it all...)
"When people show you who they really are, all you have to do is believe them."
How bout the emphasis on "all you HAVE TO DO is believe them."
What if you want to do more, say to protect yourself, or to reward those who showed you exactly what you wanted to see in them. Last week I wrote in my journal about just that!
Two weeks ago I found myself cornered at work again! Same old same old... threatening work ethic I suppose. But I needed to re-evaluate and I transitioned from feeling bitter about bosses and colleagues who are once again questioning what they get for the measly time cards I turned in, to appreciating the super star bartenders I manage and work side by side with interacting with great customers who put tip money in our pockets so we can live here. I managed to take the attention off the relationships that are NOT rewarding and onto the ones that are and came up with the following:
When people show you who they really are all you have to do is believe them.
If they show you what you had hoped - celebrate them,
If they show you more than what you expected - reward them,
If they show you what you want - give back ten fold,
If they show you positivity - pull them closer,
If they show you negativity - let them be.
This Sunday Robin and I are doing something neither of us would have ever thought - we are going to church. Not for the dogmatic religious bullshit, but for the community. We are hopeful that at least on the surface, and according with what I feel is traditional "churchy" ethics, we probably wont find any fake ass bitches there. At least not on the first trip. We are searching for community, people our age, who want to surround themselves with something positive, encouraging, and supportive the a small(ish) community of Boone. Its a Unitarian church so the pan-religious offerings should be at the very least interesting to a critical consumer of information like myself. At best, we will find what we have both as of late felt was lacking, a real sense of community.
I hear they have pretty good free coffee at 10:30.
And you KNOW I'll show up if there are free consumables!
S.
