Spent a couple days behind a windshield driving a van full of bikes up to a special tour that was starting near Bordeaux France.  Met the Hired Gun Gwendel...



at the train station on Friday and flew back.  It was a quick trip with some good sights, familiar roads and scenery, and crazy Mistral Winds.  Gusts of up to 90K/hr, keeping two hands on the wheel and the trees permanently bent to one side.




















Day one The Farm to L'Isle Sur La Sorgue, a cool water-way town that I was in back in 2010.

 

Powered by shitty espresso shots with chocolate inside...and a redbull!  I slept like shit! 

 

Kebab with hamburger...disgusting and perfect!

Check out the canals that move the water through the ancient city streets.  The town is literally an island of canals and waterways.

Day two drive into Bordeaux and a big walk along the promenade waterfront, a pastis cause you have to and a late night walk across the city, getting lost, back to the hotel after hours and had to scale the gate to get in.  I think my switch from city-kid to small town/country kid is complete.

 

All in all not quite as fun as back in 2010 when Sara Igor and Carie and I all did the same drive back, but a good relaxing part of the job that reminds me how lucky I am.  At one point I had to laugh with the idea that if you had told me three years ago I would be driving across Italy and France to deliver bikes for a tour I would have scoffed, laughed and been in utter disbelief.  

But secretly I would have said to myself..."That would be pretty cool."

Mom's Day 2012

A weekend List
A few Euro-Bucks
A Plan
a little rain
a cat named Frank!
New Friends
Smiles..."Maybe because you are living your life, not writing it."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She would have hated that I put this picture up, in that comfy sweatshirt and no makeup, but she is smiling.
Happy Mother's Day Mom
S.

Its no surprise to those close to me that the last few weeks has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least!  Super manic highs laughing at cracked jokes in the shop and giggling with friends in town, feeling connected to the people here, and crazy DARK lows, frustrated when things don't go smoothly, struggling with a deafening pain in my lower back, not riding as a result, and feeling stalked by death everywhere I look - dead birds, rodents, porcospinos, lizards dotting the farm-country bike rides.  Slowly day by day approaching the anniversary of my Mom's suicide and trying to stay even keeled has been an excruciating struggle, and trying to keep it private has been a sealed boiler on a steady flame.

But this weekend I had the chance to step out of my own wild ride and take an opportunity that presented itself to do something completely against my better judgement.  Which of course calls to questions the clarity of my own judgement.  Reaching for control over my personal surroundings, getting upset by items out of place, spacing out over the smallest details of the bike prepping, and freaking out when things defy reason or experience has been the only way I thought I could maintain.  But I have NOT maintained anything but a constant state of flux.  And completely relinquishing control over my plans, giving up on any new ideas, and taking the day as it truly creeps my way resulted in a saturday that instead of being a self defeated zero, wallowing in my own self pity and wishing for something different was a pleasureful day in the sun, on two wheels, near the seaside, swapping stories with someone I do not know, a sober, sobering day being open to anything, resulting in my expectations being completely blown away.

Saturday was an 11.

Not because I planned it, cause if I had planned an 11, I would have had to settle on a 7.  Saturday was an 11 not 'cause I tried to maintain control, not because I sought refuge in drink, or exhaustion, or crowds, or alone time, or even my own thoughts, but because I left it well enough alone.  Too often my ideas of a perfect day are so narrowly bracketed by my own parameters I fail to find the complete dynamism in a true day off, off from thinking, working, planning, or deciding. 

Flip a coin. Heads we go left. Tails we go right.  And if we go in circles all day try to notice something different. 

Let yourself go.  You might find something worth sharing.
S.

its always in threes
holy trinity
mom dad baby
three's company
il trangolo
a three legged dog in an ass whooping contest...
(maybe I got that one wrong.)
its been three years
and that much I am critically aware of threese days
got that one right
or so I thought
started running
sometimes don't think it was time to stop just yet
fighting darkness in the hours before sleep
same old questions floating round a troubled over caffeinated mind
why
and what the fuck is next
an amateur saboteur questioning his finest work
the story that will one day be worth telling
if I make it
clouds hovering say maybe a chance of not yet
wait it out a little longer
the skies will clear
April showers bring May flowers
no grave to lay them upon
three years
and sometimes it feels like nothing has changed...

Im sitting in a cold apartment in San Diego that isn't mine
its raining Outside
Fat cat is being a bitch
smells of stale chinese take-Out
Im Out of beer
and Out of money
and Out of options
and feeling Out of time
tossing and turning in the truths of my own decisions
my own mistakes
and everything in the rear view mirror
is getting dangerously close again

...but I wake up and its wednesday
its not San Diego
its 333 million miles away
and it always happens in threes
and its three days till friday
maybe a three day weekend

eat your veggies
brush your teeths
be nice to your brothers
always wear your helmet
and never swim alone....

3 days until May 5th.