It's not you...its ME...

For those of you who have heard me make disparaging comments in the last few months or weeks about Fort Collins and my life as it existed here a long time ago...well this is your formal apology and chance to drop a big fat "I told you so" in the mail addressed to my dumb loud mouth.

Today was a picture perfect day, sunny skies, good friends, and views forever. And its only partially over with! So impactful was today, IS today, that I'm stopping half way through to say so via this blog. Really. I have made some comments about the Fort since I have been back...but its not the town...DUH Its ME!

Its been tough to be back here, there are a lot of memories here. Its been tough to see the people who I thought I could always count on, and who just weren't there for me when I needed them. Its been tough to see the places I sat along the river when I needed some quiet time to process the shit storm of last spring. Its tough to see the place I wanted to plant a tree in my Mom's memory next to the river, along the bike trail, an idea that never came to fruition on the account of me running away. Its been tough to be around the friends that have been so available to me, so giving of their homes and time, and of their friendship, and for me to think about whether I will ever be able to repay the crucial favors that ultimately kept me alive on the road this summer. Its tough to be supported, and for people to be excited about this trip to Italy when I don't necessarily feel I deserve it. Its tough to be land-locked, and in the cold, and not with my bikes. Its tough to feel stuck - even if its just for a little while. For me anyhow - but then I think too much about all these things don't I?

But today was peaceful, and beautiful, and kind, and nice, and good - all the things one can get from this little hamlet in Northern Colorado. Today was the exemplar of all the reasons I liked this town when I came out for my interview so many months ago. Today was simply - NICE. And I can claim that BEFORE my land-locked sushi dinner, which is apparently the way I like to go out having had a killer sushi dinner in SD before departing there. And today, more importantly...I felt peaceful. Its been a tough set of circumstances that have led me to where I am today, its been a tough year for sure, with the death of my Mom last May, losing my job at a large corporate brewery here in Fort Collins, and the moto trip fleeing across the west, reconnecting with friends and family, and seeing some amazing places along the way. All of it healthy and in hind sight, positive but never with an eye for the adventure that lies ahead of me in Italy. I never thought the journey would bring me language barriers, new foods, ancient places steeped in history, or new cultures to explore in their natural settings. I thought at best I would get a job in sunny so-cal, or end up losing a knife fight in old Mexico over cervezas and "Mexican dancers". I'm excited for the next step, and I'm critical of my every move, and Im thankful for all I have seen, and for all of those who have been so good to me along the way, and for the places I have been able to enjoy. Tomorrow is a BIG next step and I cant wait to share it with you all as I go.

Thanks for all the love and support, the floors and futons, the food and drink, the hugs and kisses, the sushi and burritos, the sun and the snow, and again the love.

Until I land in Italy...
CIAO!
S